Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Eensy Weensy Spider...

crawled on my face this morning.

You see, when you live on a ranch, you have lots of creepy crawlies.
We are surrounded by field after pasture after sage brush after creek etc etc
And therefore, we really have a plethora of ants, wasps, mice, rock chucks, rattle snakes, even frogs!
And PLENTY of spiders

And they are all here year round!!!
You think they would die or at least disappear during the winter months... but no, they just move inside.
Inside my HOUSE!
Last winter i opened my closet to find a little frog staring back at me... cute little thing.. just a bit odd to find in your closet.

The mice and the spiders all migrate indoors so that they dont freeze to death
And they think our house is the perfect place. Im not in agreeance with them...

I can do ants, bees, beetles and flies
I can do frogs, snakes and lizards
I can even do rock chucks (thankfully they have taken over the neighbors house and leave ours alone)
But i cannot and will not do spiders... ever!

I have this theory that i seem to proove over and over
The lady that is terrified of spiders is ALWAYS the one to find them on her, to sleep with them, to step on them, to get bitten by them
My husband never has spider bites! Leave it to me to wake up after a good nights sleep covered in spider bites, and then later find the little sucker on your pillow!!!!! EWWWW!

In my ranching experience, i have...
Towel dried my body with a spider
Swallowed a spider in my midnight glass of water
Shared a sweatshirt with a spider that then proceeded to crawl out of my hood and down my face
Cuddled with a hairy spider in my bed (that of course thought i was mighty tasty)
Rode around moving cows with a spider in my boot until it crawled up my leg all the way to my knee
Walked through a very strong and sticky spider web that had been built overnight in my laundry room, only to find that there were about 20 babies now on my face!

I hate killing spiders, because this means i have to get close to them! And they can jump!
They can even fly! (ok, so they cant fly, but i swear some of them move really fast - towards you!!!)
Lucky for me, my husband is one heck of an arachnid assassin, and i dont have to kill very many.
But when he isnt around, i have to take things into my own hands... and i find some pretty creative ways to kill them.

I have killed spiders with ...
Hairspray from across the bathroom
The remote control (needless to say i couldnt watch tv until matt got home...)
Windex - note that this is not very effective, but better than nothin!
a newspaper, the classic spider killing mechanism - although i swear they arent as heavy as they used to be now that everyone reads the news on the internet!
The spray hose on my kitchen faucet - man that thing can shoot far!
And of course, a shoe - sandal, boot, high heel, slipper - you name it, ive used it!

Worst spider thats been in my house?
The one that was on the toilet seat in the bathroom...
I had to hold it for what seemed like forever until Matt saved the day... and saved me from having an accident at the age of 26

Worst spider ive come in contact with?
Also the ugliest and scariest - a red jumping spider who decided to hang out in my car.
She came out of hiding while i was driving on the I5; she slowly and creepily crawled across my dashboard.
I wasnt anywhere that i could pull off the road safely, so i had to keep driving and just watch her walk around my car.
She finally reached the part of the dashboard that was directly in front of me, and she decided to just terrify me by sitting there, all red and hairy and gross...
When i found an offramp, i pulled off and stopped as quickly as i could, only to watch her crawl into the A/C vent...
Needless to say the rest of my 16 hour drive made me a bit anxious!
Although it sure kept me awake, knowing the spider was lurking in my car, just waiting for the right moment...
About a week after her disappearance, i found the little stinker dead on my floormat.
Although im sure she laid eggs and they are just waiting to hatch... heebiegeebies!!!

Worst spider ever?
The one that you see but dont kill... the one that gets away...
Makes my stomach churn and my skin crawl just thinking about those guys!

I think i should invest in a blowtorch... that would be the ultimate spider killing machine
Although my log cabin homestead would probably burn like a matchbook...

My advice to anyone who might come visit us?
Always shake out your towel, always shake out ANY clothing item, and always check your shoes!

Im getting better at sharing my life with them... I just hope they all move out someday soon
Or that they all turn into Charlotte... if wilbur could live with her, i think i could too

1 comment:

  1. My friend posted this on Facebook the other day, haahaa! just wanted to share

    Wouldn't it be funny if spiders were secretly more disgusted of us than we are of them? Like they see a human walk by and they say "Holy crap those things are so ugly!! I wish they didn't even exist and would just stay away from us. They seriously freak me out!!! I mean, the way they walk on TWO legs?? Eguuhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!