I never thought our journey to conceive would be so....Inconceivable
I thought babies came from....
And not so much...
I mean, I know that they do come from above.
I know that no amount of tests, procedures or drugs can bring a baby into this life without it being part of God's plan.
I guess I just never thought that I would be one of those women.
The women who aren't just inherently fertile
I thought I would be the other kind of woman...
The kind who can just pop out babies without much worry...
Obviously that was God's plan for them.
And more obviously, it is not His plan for me.
I had never really given infertility treatments much thought until, well, I struggled with it.
Do we try IVF?
How far do we go?
How much do want to spend?
Do we want to adopt?
But most importantly, what can we do AND still be trusting in God?
In the scheme of things, 2 years of trying isn't that long.
However, with some previous medical complications, it does make one anxious...
And with many friends having babies, it seems like it might never be our time.
And it really might not ever be our time.
But that doesn't mean that we cannot raise a family!
Matt and I will adopt if we are given that opportunity.
But we do want to try and have a little one.
A friend once told me something that really struck me, really touched me.
They told me that I was a very special person, that I was smart, gifted, beautiful.
That I had so many great traits and characteristics
That my husband did too, that we were both very wonderful
And then said, "the world needs more of that in it"
Why would we not want a little baby made from us? :)
I pray that it is in our plan, because I would surely love it.
So today, we start clomid.
It will be our first treatment.
We have had tests and procedures, all which were normal and for the most part non-invasive.
(Although my husband might disagree, bless his is very loving heart)
So I have been wondering how fertility drugs, fertility treatments, fit into Gods plan...
My pastors wife told me that nothing will change Gods plan - in short, taking a pill will not help us get pregnant if it is not meant to be.
Perhaps we are supposed to be struggling through this, leaning on Him and finding strength and comfort in Him
Perhaps we do need a little help in the scientific part of baby-making, perhaps it's in our plan?
Although in the back of my mind, I think about Sarah, Abrahams wife.
Sarah had trouble trusting in God's plan for her.
She was impatient, she didn't want to wait for offspring, so she took matters into her own hands.
She had Abraham sleep with Hagar, and Ishmael was born.
She had trouble believing that God will fulfill his promises, so she plunged ahead with her own solutions.
And down the road, she saw the consequences of her actions.
I do not want to take matters into my own hands... But am I doing that with fertility drugs?
Or am I taking advantage of the medical advances that God has blessed us with?
Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
For now, we will take things a step at a time.
We are going to try the clomid, and well, we will see what's next and decide if it is for us.
And in the mean time, we are relaxed, we are not stressed.
We have healthy bodies, compliments to The Lord!
We have each other, we have our families, we have YOU!
So you really don't need to tell us, "Just relax, it will happen!"
Easy for you to say, not so easy to hear.
And you don't need to tell us how your friend overcame infertility, because oddly enough she isn't me!
Nor do you need to tell us to just keep practicing...
And you don't need to tell me how fertile you are.... Gee, thanks....
You don't really need to say anything.... Just support us, pray for us, and be there when we might call upon you.
And share your babies with us, because it helps us while we wait. :)
Oh, and thanks for being patient with me... It's still a hard thing to go through
And remember, it's just my hormones talking!