Natural Child Birth and Baby Lizards

My mother introduced me to Bill Cosbys stand up comedy when I was a teenager.

I remember driving to her house in her Saturn listening to his funny skits.

Of course, as a teenager, I didn't fully understand all the jokes or all his lines, but it was good enough to keep my sister and I rolling in the back seat.

Now that I'm expecting, I get asked the plethora of questions that every pregnant woman must endure, including some bizarre ones that I hope others don't have to answer....

"When are you due?" (July 6th)

"Do you know what your having" (We're hoping it's a baby ....)

"Were you trying to have a baby?" (Yes.... <evil glare>)

"Do your parents know you are having a baby?" (Yes... ??? ... Why???) (Apparently I look young)

"Are you out going to cosleep?" (No, but we will be using a bedside cosleeper)

"Are you going to breastfeed?" (I hope so!)

"Are you going to return to work?" (No, thanks to my handsome hubby!)

And of course the real kicker... 

"What's your birth plan?"

Everytime I get asked this question, I think back to my car rides filled with Bill Cosby.

Particularly, I think of this skit entitled "Natural Child Birth"

If you can't watch the video, the script is found below.

Feel free to skip it if you watched the video. 

Natural Child Birth, by Bill Cosby

Needless to say, we felt qualified to handle having children, and we planned to have children.

We sat in the back seat of a car, and discussed it. Children.

We wanted to have children and bring them up.

And we spoke to God about the children and we were afraid to ask God for specific things.

We felt that it might be too much.

We said to God, ''Please give us a healthy child,'' and we left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor, and that if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

Still being intellectuals, my wife and l decided to bring our first child into the world by way of natural childbirth.

Now, we were intellectuals, mind you, which means that intellectuals go to study things that people do naturally.

You see, let's think about it.

Childbirth is a natural thing.

The pains come automatically, the muscles tighten and push down and the mother is there and all you need, as they say in every movie, is hot water.

''Get the hot water,'' and they just send some fool, runs, ''Hot water,'' you know, and bothers everybody in the world for hot water.

But even if you don't have hot water, the baby's going to come.

Ker-boom! Natural. Nature takes its course.

Whammo! And there it is. You understand? You just need somebody there to grab a hold, you know, to grab the rope, you know.

''There, keep pulling there, it's coming, l'll be right there in a second.'' See? Natural childbirth. People do it all around the deprived countries, quote, unquote, ''deprived countries of the world.'' 
Women... The lady's out there picking the rice or doing whatever in the thing and all of a sudden you say, ''Ooh!'' Blam! The child falls out, they cut the cord, tie it and the kid's there with the rice, with the mother, you know. Natural childbirth.

lntellectuals go to class to study how to do this.

My wife and l sat in class to learn how to have natural childbirth.

And the first thing they teach you is that 
you have to breathe properly, see? So when you press down on the muscles, there's breathing: 
<whistling breathing sounds>
That's my wife's job. So she's there, <whistling breathing sounds> And she was good. Now the father's job...

And the father must be there for these classes.

And they give the father a diploma also.

And if you don't get a diploma, you cannot come to the birth.

See? So my job is to bend my wife in half and say ''Push!'' 
Now if l don't go to class, l don't get a diploma for this, so l can't come to the birth.

So my wife is there <whistling breathing sounds> And l'm there: ''Push.'' And l'm the cheerleader: ''Push him out, shove him out, way out! Push him out, shove him out, way out!'' And my wife is a wonderful breather <whistling breathing sounds> And we were the best in our class.

And l began to breathe with my wife, macho style.

Zoph Woph Waef Woph Push, push.

Zoph Woph Waef Woph Push, push.

<whistling breathing sounds>
We went to parties and people asked us to breathe.

''Ladies and gentlemen, the breathing Cosbys!'' <whistling breathing sounds> Push, push! 

Natural childbirth. Natural childbirth means no drugs will be administered into the female's body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.

On the ninth month, my wife called to me from the balcony of our California home: ''Bill!'' <whistling breathing sounds> I became excited. l said, ''Push!'' Then l remembered, we have to go to the hospital for the natural childbirth.

So l run into the car. l got a Ferrari.

Vrooooooooom

l do 104 from the garage to the front door.

So my wife comes out. She gets in the car.

Vrooooooooom
180, and we're breathing. Zoph Woph Waef Woph Push, push. <whistling breathing sounds>

And l'm in my Ferrari, man, $17,000 Ferrari, and my wife says, ''Oh!'' l say, ''No, dear, please, wait, not here.  No, not in the Ferrari, please.'' And l pull over. 

"We go in the bushes, we go in the bushes, but no, not in the car, dear.?

She's ''Oh, Bill, can l...'' Hold everything. l'll get you there." Vroooooooooom, So we pull up to the hospital. The Marx Brothers jump out: ''Whoo! Ha! Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo!'' Put my wife in a wheelchair.  Run her down to the delivery room. l signed her in, they put the hat on me, the thing on backwards, booties on the shoes.

l run into the delivery room. They got my wife all prepped and her legs way up in the stirrups... <whistling breathing sounds>.

And the doctor's sitting there like Johnny Bench.

Now, the first real pain hit my wife.

Whoo! 
And my wife said: ffffffffffffffffffffffffff, And l said, ''Push?'' 

Carol Burnett described what labor pains feel like.  She said, ''Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.'' 

The second pain hit: whoo! 
My wife said: waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, and stood up...in the stirrups....Grabbed my bottom lip...and said, ''l want morphine!'' 

l said, ''But dear...'Zoph Woph Waef Woph."  She said, ''You shut up! You did this to me!'' And on the next contraction, she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married.

Now we're back to breathing: <whistling breathing sounds> and l'm sitting there, ''Push, push.'' 
My wife's getting tired. ''l don't wanna push anymore, I don't wanna push.'' "No, you've got to push, dear.  Come on, dear, you've gotta." ''l don't wanna. Oh, no, no. Tell them to give me something.'' "No, you can do it. " ''No, l don't wanna graduate from the class anymore. l just wanna--'' Please, come on, you can do it. "

l look in the rearview mirror and l see the head. And Johnny Bench is still sitting there, like....

So l said, ''lsn't that the head?'' He said, ''Yeah.'' l said, ''Well, go get it.'' He said, ''lt's stuck.'' l said, ''Well, get the salad spoons, man!'' 

So... So he gets the salad spoons and the baby comes out. POP!!!

Now this is the greatest moment...in our lives.

This is what we asked God for.

This is what we wanted to see if we could make.

And l look at it.

And they started to clean it off.

And it wasn't getting any better.

And l went over to my wife and l kissed her ever so gently on the lips and l said, ''Darling, l love you very, very much.  You just had a lizard.'' 

Because the thing changed colors three times.

And the neck and head wouldn't work, it just kept <imitates a loose head on a loose body> And l said to the doctor, ''Can you put this back? '''Cause it isn't done yet. lt needs to cook another three months maybe.'' 
But the hospital made us take it home.

Now... This is our first baby. 

I have no idea what to expect in the delivery room, but Bill gives me quite a descriptive image.

So, to answer everyone's question, "what's your birth plan?" :

Our birth plan:

1. have a baby, a healthy baby.

The End.

Two weeks ago at my last appointment, I told my OB that I didn't have a birth plan.

She said THANK YOU with a huge smile on her face.

She said that births hardly ever go according to plan, and then mothers just get stubborn and disappointed.  

And she said that my birth would be especially hard to plan for, and thinks our "let's just have a baby" attitude is perfect. 

Due to my cervical scar tissue, I have a high risk of premature delivery.  However, I also have a high risk of having a cervix that will not dilate.  

And there is no way to know which way it will go until it starts to happen.

She said I might deliver before 36 weeks or I might go into labor at 41 weeks with a completely closed and hard cervix.

A c-section is a very realistic option for me. 

Even if I start to dilate, the OBs are hesitant to say that I would dilate past 4cm due to the scar tissue not being as "stretchy" if you will.... Which would mean I would need a c-section anyway...

However, my cervix has been a champ through these first 30 weeks and I might get to have a vaginal delivery.

I have "ideas" of how a vaginal delivery would go...

Say everything with my cervix is great and I get to actually push... I'm going to say that I don't want an epidural... I might opt for other meds, but im just not terribly excited to get a needle in my spine.

However, with that being said, I obviously would have a spinal block if i need a c-section.... See where this whole "planning" thing gets complicated?

I just want a delivery that will be the least stressful on the baby.

And I totally trust my OBs to know what is best... 

I know that "MY body is made for this", and that "MY body will know what to do"... But frankly, id trust the doctors that have delivered thousands of babies over my incompetent cervix.  

I know there are pros and cons for both vaginal births vs. c sections, and that there are pros and cons for both unmedicated births vs. medicated births, but in the end the result is the same.

A baby is born and a miracle has been performed!

I want to say that I'm going to be strong and try to have a natural child birth like Mrs. Cosby... But if I end up going for an epidural...I will not be disappointed, and I know my baby won't be disappointed, nor will my husband.

So until the baby decides to make it's grand entrance, I'll just practice some breathing techniques like the above intellectuals and pray for the best! 

We're Pregnant!!!

So yes, i know this is late... as im now 16 weeks along.

But i kept a journal so that one day (today apparently) i could share my pregnancy journey with the blogging world!

So, lets flash back to October, the 27th to be precise.

There i was, lying on my sisters couch in california.  I was 2 days late and i had bought a pregnancy test the night before.  However, i had left it in my sisters room with my suitcase and other belongings.  I really and i mean REALLY had to pee, but i didnt want to wake her up.  Thank goodness my little nephew did that for me :).  He was talking just enough that she could hear him, so she got up and went to see what was up.  I asked if i could grab the test, then ran to the potty, did the pee-pee dance as i was struggling to get the dang child proof wrapped stick open, and finally gave it a good 5 steady seconds of stream.

Then, because watching the stick for 2 minutes is torture, i left it on the tub and went to look at myself in the mirror, because that seemed like a better thing to stare at then my pee stick.  2 minutes (+30 seconds more just for good measure) had passed and i went to look at it and saw.....

A BFP!!!!! (Big Fat Positive for all you non-TTC [trying to conceivers])

Matt and i did it!!! On our first round of the wonder drug Clomid!

We made a baby!!!  With the grace of God, we were pregnant!!!!!

I could not believe it.

So right then and there, on the toilet rug, i knelt down and said a prayer.

I thanked Him for this amazing blessing, and asked that he keep the little baby healthy and inside of me for as long as it needed to be.

So i went back to the living room, grabbed my phone, and called matt.

No, i didnt tell him we were pregnant over the phone... but calling him just seemed like the right thing to do!   Just hearing his voice was so exciting.  We talked about his morning and my night and then said our goodbyes.

Britt came out a little later on and she had heard me sniffling on the couch as i was talking to matt.  Sniffling from crying yes, but crying tears of JOY!

So, with her only knowing of my tears, she prepared herself for cheering me up... but then, i showed her the stick and she couldnt believe it!

It was pretty much a true California Girl moment filled with "Shut Up!?!?!" and "No Way?!?!" and "Oh my Gosh!!!" 

It was very exciting being able to say it out loud for the first time! 

Im Pregnant!

A few hours later i took my first "pregnancy picture" = fabulous idea from my brother in law Heath!

Somehow i had totally skipped over that idea... leave it to the man who has 8 kids to remember something that important :)

little baby is 4 weeks along here :)

But what i couldnt wait for was telling Matt!

My wonderful husband, my best friend in the entire world, was going to be a daddy!

He had wanted this even before i did.

Back when i had my last surgery, and the doc said it was time to start trying, i was nervous and didnt know if i was ready for that yet.  Not Matt, he was ready.  And now the time had come!

I had all these elaborate plans in my mind (courtesy of pinterest) of how i would tell him when i found out.  But i was never planning on being 16 hours away from him when i found out!

So, i had to improvise - i took my sis with me to go onesie shopping.

We made a quick stop to see my dad and i told him the good news.

More tears of joy!  He is excited to have another grandbaby.

Then we left, and went to....

BabiesRUs, here we come!

I found an adorable little tan onesie for little baby ingram that read "Daddys Little Star".

It was perfect for the little baby.

Then i found a bedtime board book entitled "On the Night You Were Born"

I read the first page, then tried to read it aloud to brittney, but i couldnt get the words out audibly through all my tears!

"On the night you were born, 

the moon smiled with such wonder

that the stars peeked in to see you

and the night wind whispered, 

'Life will never be the same.'

Because there had never been anyone like you...

ever in the world"

It was perfect for the little baby.  

Then i found a "Congratulations Daddy" card to go along with the book and the onesie.

It was perfect for the little baby.  

They were all perfect for the little perfect baby.

I put it all in a gift bag and counted down the minutes to when i would see matt at the airport.

I got off the plane, had a much needed toilet break where i decided to pee on the 2nd stick in the box just to make sure it was still a plus sign (thank you Jesus, it was), and headed out past security to the passenger arrival area.  As always, he was the most handsome man waiting in the boise airport.  

We hugged and then i led him back over to the waiting area chairs and gave him my gift bag.

He reached in and grabbed the card, pulled the card just enough out of the envelope that he could read the "Congratulations Daddy" part, and then looked at me in awe.  

Those two little words were enough to make us both cry, and hold each other, and then cry some more.  

Matt was so excited - that night, we both wore the largest smiles anyone has ever had.

So, naturally, we wanted to celebrate!

We went to Carls Jr! 

(they dont have these in most parts of Idaho... the closest one to our house is 2.5 hours away, so it was a great choice of celebratory meals!)

And it was delicious!

That night Matt called the baby his "little buddy" and has called the baby that ever since then.

In the next few days, i called Grandma Lisa and she was so excited, i made her cry at work.

Then i called Auntie Amanda and i made her cry too.

And she was very adamant that i take very good care of myself (love that she cares so much for me) :)

Then i called Grandpa Dan and had to leave a message but he called me back and i was able to tell him too.  He was very happy - he is a man of few words but you could hear the smile in his voice.

Then i called Great Grandma Nina, and she was so excited too.  She also gave me a stern talking to about how i was to rest and not ride horses and not run around with the cows like i normally do.  She sure does love me and i am one lucky lady!  Im so so glad that little baby ingram will get to meet her.  She is incredible.

I called be bff from childhood Des and she was over the moon, she was literally squealing into the phone.  And im pretty sure i could hear her jump up and down.  She is also pregnant, so we are bffs pregnant together... so fun!

I called Grandmomma Valerie and Auntie Chelle too... and they both started crying and were just so happy for us. 

A few days later i finished up my baby registry at Target (that i will admit to starting about 4 months before we started clomid - it was fun to dream) and also started pinning baby stuff like crazy to my secret baby pinterest board.

I had my first craving right around halloween - SALAMI!

Pretty odd for me, i mean i love it and all, but while i was at work i would have bet money that someone walked into the office with salami in their pocket - thats how bad i wanted it... so much so that i could smell it.  As soon as i got off work, i ran to the highly overpriced touristy market and bought salami.  I didnt even wait until i got home before indulging in a piece or two or five.

Needless to say, my husband was more than happy to indulge himself.

You can tell the baby is half Matt - it was loving the salami too.

The next few weeks i had sore boobies (that also grew to size 34B... whoo whoot!), crazy headaches, a nauseous tummy, and lovely acne - all courtesy of increased hormones.

We took my 1 month picture on Halloween. 

I wanted to incorporate daddy into these photos too, so he will be holding the "baby" each picture.

And, to be completely honest, this "orange seed" is actually a green bean seed - all the oranges i had at home were seedless... go figure. 

We of course talked about names, and we like...

Boy: Bodie O'Dell or Bridger Daniel

Girl: Ruby Angelina or Sonora Jo

I had more cravings for fried food, sweet and sour chicken, nina's quesidillas, des's burritos, french fries... pretty much anything cooked in oil, and a LOT of it!

Matt even told me "Um, you know thats bad for you right?!"

I cant help it!!!

The BABY wants it!  The BABY needs it! :)

Ok so i can help it, and i know its bad for me....

But i have a few pounds to spare, so i can indulge in the unhealthy stuff now while I'm trying not to barf at the sound of food.  

Im sure ill thank Matt later when i dont have 80lbs of post baby weight to lose!

OH! and weirdest pregnancy side effect in those early weeks - extra saliva - man i was drooling all over the place... excellent.

My fried food craving soon turned into a carb crazy craving - mac and cheese, ramen noodles, any pasta, and any bread.

I never threw up, but man, any food that wasnt listed above was totally gross...especially salad.

Im still having issues with salad.... im working on it tho.

Grossest side effect of pregnancy in the early weeks??? 

Farts - holy moly, i thought my husbands gas was killer...

apparently i had never been around a pregnant lady! 

I cant even believe that my flatulence is now in the same category as my husbands!

WHAT is WRONG with me?!?

I definitely feel bad for anyone who sat behind me in church, stood behind me in the checkout line, you get the picture....

thank goodness those have passed....

Now, onto the joys of second trimester pregnancy!

Things I Am Proud Of

Revel in the small things, right?

Right.

So this week, I am proud that:

1. I have begun my Christmas shopping.  Let the feeling of being broke begin!

Someone might get a yummy candle! :) 

2. I baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night.

I've had this stupid cough now for almost 2 weeks, so I must be feeling a slight improvement if I felt the need to bake. They were delish.

3. I also prepared 4 days worth of Matt's breakfast. This way, he doesn't have to cook it at 5:30am and I don't have to either wake up to do it or wake up to the sound of him cursing as he does it... ;) win win if you ask me!

4. I have ordered and received my Christmas cards! Now I just have to address them and send them out... Hopefully this round of cards will look nothing like our wedding thank you cards... Married in 2011, sent out in 2013.... Shame on me! I will be better...

5. I have been very good at the 8x8 rule lately ... That is, drinking 8 ounces of water 8 times a day.

Not sure if i really feel any different being fully hydrated,  but I do get a lot more exercise!! Walking to the bathroom 49 times a day is surely considered a workout!

6. I have successfully converted my husband into a tech geek... He is the master of my laptop! And he can even navigate the iPad.  He now wants a smart phone... Not gonna happen given his history of losing/breaking his cell phone, but I do like that he can google, email, fb, YouTube, etc.  Of course, it is all horse, cattle, ranch or cowdog related but it is much better than when we first met! The man didn't know how to use Microsoft word.... Love him :)

7. I bought yummy candy for someone besides myself!! My sister is in the hospital :( and I had the great pleasure of sending her a Sees Candy get well package - chocolate always makes you feel better, especially scotchmallows, peanut butter patties, and mint patties.... Mmmmm mmmm. Maybe I should've sent myself a sees candy get well package too! 

8. I refrained from karate-chopping a patient in the throat when he told me that i looked sick, tired, and like I hadn't slept in days. Thanks, that's exactly why I got up at 530am to shower, curl my hair and put on makeup, so that I could look like death. What a kind soul you are...

9. I bought the new Bath & Body Works car air freshener.  Now that the Yogi smells like Christmas, I will be motivated to clean it ... Maybe... 

10. My husband made dinner last night and it was totally scrumptious! Pulled Salsa Chicken tacos with black beans... All totally, 100% by himself!  Mmm, can't wait for leftovers tonight! And boy is he proud, he just told me that now I have to thank him for dinner TWICE in a row! And I gladly will, because I can't wait for dinner!

11. Matt got out our Christmas decorations!  As soon as the turkey leftovers begin, so does the decorating!!

12. I can sing along to all the theme songs of the cartoons of my childhood... Here are a few of my faves! 

13. Hubby and I rested on our day of rest.  We were out of power in the morning so we just hung out before church, then attended church, then went to a wonderful Mexican lunch, rented two redbox, and then went home and watched 2 movies in a row!  And hubby even held my hand during the movie. It was a fabulous Sunday.

Amazing movie!!! I would definitely recommend it if you like CIA/investigatory movies

Not very good at all... Funny at times, but absolutely no plot and not the family movie were expecting

14. I wrote this blog... Always something to be proud of! I love love love blogging, i just dont always find the time, so when I do, it's a good day :) 

Remember to be proud of your little, every day accomplishments! 

How do you LOVE your Husband?

Ephesians Chapter 5 talks about love - not just any love, but the love between a husband and a wife

It tells us wives to submit to our husbands, just as we do to the lord.

We are told to respect him and honor him.

It tells husbands to love us wives, to make us holy, to present us as blameless, and to love us as they love their own bodies.

Because the husband that loves his wife loves himself.

AMAZING right?!?!

A couple that plays together, stays together... or at least thats our motto :)

In my mind, a wife that can truly love her husband is well on the road to respect.

These are a few ways that i try to love and respect my husband.

And when i do these things, let me tell you the Ingram Homestead is a much happier place :)

And they are so simple to do!  But they mean so much to your hubby, even if he doesnt say it.

When you start loving your husband every day, every hour, the respect that you are asked to have for him will just come naturally. 

He taught me how to LOVE fishing!

51 Ways I Love & Respect My Cowboy

1. Thank God for him - he is the most important thing in your life, you are truly blessed!

2. Take walks together - it is so nice to be outside in Gods beauty with your sweetie by your side

3. Cuddle up together - physical closeness can only lead to emotional and spiritual closeness

4. Leave love notes for him - in his lunch, on the mirror, on his pillow, in his boots - so fun!

5. Take his coffee to him in the morning - who doesnt love a free refill?!

6. Rub his head or his back - when he is relaxed, he is happy, and so are you!

7. Send him a text - make him laugh, remind him of a special moment, or just tell him you love him

8. Leave him a Voicemail - sing a funny song, tell a joke, or remind him that you are thinking of him

9. Send him letters in the MAIL! - everyone loves getting mail, especially love letters! S.W.A.K.!

10. Be silly together - make up songs, special handshakes, talk in funny accents
11. Dress up for him - make yourself all pretty just for him, especially when you are just home alone
12. Cook him a fancy dinner - make it a 3 course meal, with music, candles, and YOU!
13. DANCE! - dance in the kitchen, the bedroom, under the stars - dance floors are everywhere!
14. Learn new things, together! - take a class or try out something new and learn to laugh at eachother!
15. Wear Lingerie - make your honeymoon last forever, youll be extra irresistable!
16. Go to bed early - lay there together, talking and giggling, or maybe do something else?! ;)
17. Pray together - before the day starts and at the close of the day
18. Pray for him - help him through the day by praying for his safety, his happiness, his health, you name it
19. Read the bible together - then discuss it, its great to hear each others take on things
20. Volunteer together - babysit a friends kiddos, clean up the roadside, serve at a soup kitchen - its humbling and its great to experience together.
21. Do his favorite things - learn to rope, go hunt with him, help him in the garage - he will love it!
22. Dont nag - no explanation needed here
23. Make his favorite breakfast, lunch and dinner - a full hubby is a happy hubby!
24. Sit on his lap - it really helps you feel close to him, and he will love holding you.
25. Wink at him - and if you are terrible at it like me, at least he will laugh!
26. Hold hands - in the car, at church, at home on the couch!
27. Buy him a treat - if youre out running errands, buy him something small that made you think of him
28. Tell him how much you love him - he will never get sick of it
29. Tell him how gorgeous he is - or sexy, handsome, you get the picture :)
30. Fall asleep in his arms - listen to his heart beat, and know that it is all yours!
31. Dont be too tired! - you know what i mean....and initiate it!!! What a joy for him!
32. Encourage him - to try new things, to keep going, to do whatever it is he needs to do
33. Dont doubt him -  dont second guess him, always stand with his decision, even if its not what you would have chosen!
33. Trust him - he is head of your family, and will do what is best for all involved
34. Thank him - for doing the things that you asked him to do, make sure its noticed
35. Dont criticize him - only speak uplifting words
36. Make dinner together  - even if that means he is just in the kitchen with you
37. Have a pet name for him  - so nice to be called a sweet name by the one you love
38. Exercise together - you can encourage each other to stay healthy and active to live a long life together!
39. Laugh at his silliness and his jokes - make sure he knows you think he is funny! Even if its the same bit youve heard a million times
40. Listen to him - dont ignore him if its something you arent interested in, give him your undivided attention. And do not interrupt!
41. Argue NAKED - best marraige advice ever given to us on our wedding day! Imagine!?!
42. Make him his plate of food - he will love that you thought of his needs before yours (my grandma is a stickler for this one!)
43. Talk to him - he is not a mind reader (doi!) if you need something or want something, TELL HIM!
44. And have EYE contact - if you cant see his eyes, he probably cant "hear" you :)
45. Give him personal space - if he wants to go out with the guys, thats ok! Just make sure that when he comes home that he gets treated better than when he was out, so that your house is his favorite place to be!
46. Let him have Man Dates - encourage him to call his buddies and hang out with them - its good for him, and gives you time for gal time!
47. Say youre sorry - before he does - be a good forgiver!
48. Flirt with him - he obviously likes it, thats what got you two together in the first place!
49. Kiss him Hello and Goodbye - these times are momentous, and should be given special attention, not rushed!
50. Always talk him up - to his family, to his friends - make him known as the kind, loving wonderful hubby he is - make sue he is appreciated and acknowldged in front of everyone he holds dear.
51. Ask for his advice and opinion - what a great way to show him respect  and show that his feelings are of the utmost importance.

The prayer in our wedding is something i will always hold dear

And if youre thinking, "Hey now.. what about me??"
Remember, that when he feels loved, relaxed and happy - that is all he is going to give back.
A man that gets love like this is not going to be angry or distant.
When you meet his needs, he will almost always meet yours.

And if you are thinking, "Hmmm, its not the 1950's anymore, im not doing that ", I say this...
When is love, respect and kindness ever outdated??
Youre not doing these things because you have to, you are doing them because you WANT to, because you are HAPPY to, because you are BLESSED to!
And if you arent doing them for that reason, then dont do them! Or love will not be the message, but instead you will show bitterness and resentment, and disrespect...

Your love is unique, show it off!


The Top 10 Needs in Marriage are...(His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr)
Men: 1. Sexual Fulfillment, 2. Recreational Companionship, 3. Attractive Spouse, 4. Domestic Support and 5. Praist and Admiration.
Women: 1. Affection, 2. Conversation, 3. Honesty and Openness, 4. Financial Support and 5. Family Committment.
They can really go hand in hand, and like stated earlier, if you take care of his needs, he will in turn take care of yours.

I love this picture, because just seconds before this was taken, we were not speaking to each other, but just looking at one another for this picture made us both smile and turned our moods around. 

My husband comes second only to God.
He comes before me, and I am so incredibly proud of him, so amazingly in love with him, and so miraculously blessed to be his wife.
Ill admit, im not always 100% on these 51 things... but even if i can do 10 a day, our marriage is so happy and our love grows ten fold.

Be silly and have fun! 

(but dont throw your spouse off a bridge, NOT cool!)

Books to read!:
1. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley Jr
2. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
3. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger (Dr Laura)
4. Love and Respect for a Lifetime by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs
5. Fireproof  by Alex Kendrick
and most importantly the Bible!


And remember, youre nobody till somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love!
&
When somebody loves you, its no good unless they love you, all the way!
(Those good ol boys sure know how to woo a woman!)

Love this part of this movie, sure does make your heart flutter :)

Do you have any concerns?

Doctors

They come in all shapes and sizes

Some work with disgusting things like feet - Podiatry 

Some work with amazing things like eyes - Opthalmology

Some work with wonderful things like puppies - Veterinary

And others, work with very awkward things - Gynecology and Urology

Whatever they chose to study, they all seem to ask the same question.

"So do you have any concerns or any questions?"

Its a great thing to ask, considering that you are likely at the doctors office because you either have a concern or a question, or both...

BUT, this polite and seemingly harmless question really stresses me out...

I really  have to remind myself that the MD or PhD that follows their name is NOT because of their psychology degrees!

Although they are indeed asking this question in order to try to help me, they are in no way prepared to answer the questions that come into my head....

Questions like...

Aren't I a little young to be having baby-making issues?

Why is it that people who shouldn't procreate have 5 kids and others who would make amazing parents can't have kids?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Do you think I'm related to Bill Gates, because there is no way my insurance is going to cover that!?

Is marriage really supposed to take this much work?

If a pig loses his voice, is he disgruntled?

Why do I have all the patience in the world for yuppie old clients at work but none for the ones I really love?

I'll be 27 next month, am I supposed to feel this decrepid so young?

If Matt goes completely bald, will his license still say that he has blonde hair?

Why doesn't someone tell you when your young and stupid that your mistakes will follow you the rest of your life?

When my husband and i both talk to our 5 dogs in the craziest baby-voices, does that have anything to do with us not having babies?

And why do we talk to things that can't answer back?

Why do I have names, nurseries, outfits, strollers, etc all picked out for my children when I'm not even pregnant?

Will I even know how to be a mother when I didn't have my own mother growing up?

Should my husband really produce 3 loads of laundry a week?

Why does ranching cost so much but pay so little?

Is wearing cowboy boots with yoga pants a fashion faux pas?

Is it ok if my husband has to make himself breakfast when he wakes up at 5am and I'm still snoozing?

Have ex-cowboys become deranged?

Does my husband know how much I really love him?

Will my mom ever know how much I miss her?

How can God love us the way he does?

And finally...why are Trix only for kids?!


I could go on forever, but I think you get the point.
No one living this life knows what they are doing. We can all be guided through it, whether it be by parents, friends, The Lord, self help books, etc, but no one knows the answer to every question, the solution to every problem.
We have to jump into life - feet first or head first because who knows what's right - and hope that we made the right choice. We have to have faith that the good Lord knows what's best for us, and that we will find happiness and joy if we only trust in Him.
I may never know the answers to my questions above, and yet I'll be ok.
Matt and I will either have beautiful babies or we will have wild and crazy cowboy lives together... Or maybe BOTH!
I know that my life will be fun and exciting and hard and captivating, that I will experience great joy and that there will also be struggles beyond anything I can imagine...but I know that in the end, I'll be ok. Because i know a God who loves me. Because i have a family who cares for me. Because I am married to the kindest man a woman could ask for... a loving, hard working, handsome cowboy who would do anything for me... Even see a urologist...
And now that he has, I need to stop worrying... I need to stop trying to forge my own path and let God lead me down the one he already paved for me.

I just really wish I could find the MapQuest for it!!!

Everything will be o.k., no butts about it

I Married Into...

Two years ago today I became Mrs. Ingram

I married Matt - Son, brother, cowboy, truck driver, dog trainer, work-a-holic, roper, eater, manly-man.

Today, my happy 2nd anniversary, I thought id reflect a little on what I married into.

Horses

And when I say horses, I don't mean a cute little pasture pony who whinnies and has other cute little horse antics... I mean, buck-you-off, run-off-with-you, spook-at-a-rock, "you-better-ride-me-daily" kind of horses.  And who would have ever thought that i would like it!?  And by like it, i mean LOVE it!

We now have 4 horses. 

 Our eldest is Matt's old ranch gelding Ace - a pretty bay guy, he is lovely to look at.  He is retired, although he is a great rope horse and i just happen to be light enough to ride him every now and then without making him crippled.  

Then we have Tic - he is a very pretty sorrel gelding.  Matt's had him for a while now, and has made him into quite a nice boy.  I remember when i first met Matt, him and tic would fight like an old married couple... an old married couple who would beat each other with their canes and bite each other with their dentures.  It was a lovely relationship as you can imagine.  After an evening ride, they would both be so hot and sweaty you'd think one of them would've given up! But my hubby and his horse are too much alike... very stubborn and very strong! In the end, they did work it out, and they are really the best of friends now.  They make a great team.

Matt and Tic at our last branding

Next in line for the boys is Yellow, aka "Streakin Hornet".  He came from Oregon, originally from New Mexico.  He is a beautiful light palomino color, very handsome.  We bought him so that i could have a horse to ride as we were kinda running out of horsepower here on the ranch.  He was so solid in the sale, even had his rider stand on top of him in the arena.  When we got him back to idaho, i rode him and loved him! He didnt have the best rein on him, but he was gentle. Then one day, he bucked me off... and do i mean BUCKED!  This horse not only showed me how high he can kick up those back legs, but showed me why his name is "Streaking Hornet".  He was a yellow blur all the way back to the barn! He has since bucked quite a bit, but Matt softens him up on the ground before we ride him now, and he is as sweet as pie... a sour lemon pie :)

And our prettiest little horse is Oakey, the lady of the bunch.  Although you would never know that she was a lady with the manners she has! (or doesn't have i should say!)  She is by far our best horse, knows it all, can do it all, has been everywhere - she is amazing.  However, she is quite a brat... she knows she is good, and is not about to be humble!  She is quick, snorty, and very opinionated.  Her and i did not get along at all at first... we've come to an arrangement now where we can work together - its not always pleasant, but by the end of the day we are two happy campers.  She bucked me off recently and as i was lying on the ground looking up at her, she just stared at me with that look of, "How'd that feel?" ... at least she didn't run off...

This is Oakey... in the house... IN the HOUSE... best part about the picture is matts face...

He is lovin it!

Camping

I LOVE camping... i love the campfires, the wilderness, the wildlife.  However, my idea of camping and my husbands idea of camping are quite different.  

Im not a prissy girl by any means... i was raised by my father, which led me to believe i was a boy until i experienced middle school - middle school girls are not very nice to girls who wear khaki knee length shorts and BigDog tees... and lets just say the boys aren't too nice either! 

But I digress...

I'm no sissy-la-la.  Thanks to my dad, i can change my own tire, start my own fire, you get the picture.  But we always camped in a tent or trailer when i was younger.  We would camp somewhere where we would ride bikes, fish, just enjoy being outside.  Sure, it was in a campground, but whats wrong with a little bit of pavement?? 

My husbands idea of camping is sleeping in his bedroll in the middle of nowhere.  No tent.  No pillow. No campground.  The more desolate, the better. Heck, his ideal camping spot is one without any road, any trail.  Just him, his pot of coffee, and his bedroll.  

Now i know that a tent isnt bear proof... but there is something about sleeping inside it that makes you feel a little safer.  Id rather be a free meal thats wrapped than a piece of meat lying on the ground.

Needless to say, we have both given in a bit.  Now our camping consists of loading a big tupperware bin full of camping supplies into the back of our dodge, driving into USFS or BLM land, continuing until the road ends (sometimes a bit further) and then setting up a very small tent.  We have a campfire, we roast hotdogs, we even wash our hands! :) And matts favorite part of integrating my camping style? S'mores...

Camping along the Virgin River on BLM - the camping trip when Matt popped the big question :)

Hunting 

Hunting is something i was never into before i met my husband.  I come from a family that does hunt, in fact Matt and my uncle even go hunting together.  But it was never something i was interested in.  Matt was a hunting guide for Bitterwater Outfitters when we first started dating... 

(little plug, if you need a guide, choose them!! you wont be disappointed! bitterwateroutfitters.com)

... and he invited me along one day for an early morning pig hunt.  We got up around 3am, left the house around 3:30am so that we were at the headquarters ready to pig hunt by 4:30am.  I was cold, tired, and pretty sure these men were crazy... how would we ever even see pigs this early??  Just as daylight approached, so did the pigs, swarms of them! Let the adventure begin! It was wild, and i was hooked!  I began to go with him every chance i could get, and i became quite the pig spotter and pig skinner (!!!). We no longer hunt pigs as we live in idaho, but last year Matt got a cow elk, and this year we are planning a buck hunt.  I also got a doe antelope tag! (Wish me luck!) My husband has fully converted me into the camo-wearing, rifle wielding woman i am today.  

Chloe has even turned into a hunter! (see background) 

(if this offends anyone... i apologize... but remember, its a coyote, not your house pooch)

and finally...

a LARGE Family

I guess you can say that everyone has a large family, if you include enough generations.  The Ingram/Lombardi family isn't all that big when you think about it i suppose.  It has your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, etc.  But what is different about the Ingram/Lombardi clan is that they actually LIKE each other, and they are close!  They have weekly dinners, invite each other over, send birthday cards, the whole bit! 

My close "Clark" family includes me, my sister, my dad, and my Grandma.  I love them all, but unfortunately we don't see all that much of each other.  And i have a great extended family, but i'm lucky if i see them once a year. 

NOW, i get to add the following to my family! 2 grandmas, 1 grandpa, 5 uncles, 4 aunts, 10 cousins, 1 sister, 1 mom and 1 dad.  And whats really cool, is my MIL's and my FIL's sides mix!  They will come over for dinner together!! Isn't that so cool!  

But the best part is that they all love me like im their own!  They have all fully adopted me.  Im so so truly blessed to be part of the Ingram/Lombardi family.  

Our Wedding Day with the Lombardis/Ingrams 

So today, 730 days after marrying the man of my dreams, i look back at all i married into.  

I married into horses, into camping, into hunting.

I married into a large, loving family.

I married into Adventure

Into Fun

Into Silliness

Compassion

Honesty

Sacrifice

Dedication

Respect

Hard Work

Gentleness

Affection

Generosity

Integrity

Forgiveness

Understanding

Confidence

Encouragement

Appreciation

Acceptance

God

...